A Memo From the Board: Q3 System Enhancements

Greetings, Valued Manager,

As part of our ongoing commitment to maximizing synergy and optimizing shareholder value, we have implemented several system-wide enhancements. Your compliance and adaptation are not optional.

1. Managerial Performance Reviews Are Now Automated

We are now tracking your performance with greater… precision. Think of it as a constant, automated performance review. We need to know exactly how efficiently you can crush souls and ascend through the corporate ladder via our “Rebirth Ritual.” This data is crucial for our Q4 profit projections. We’re watching. Always.

2. The Strategic Roadmap Has Been Readjusted

Corporate has issued a new directive regarding departmental expansion. The manager-level requirements for unlocking new employee slots have been recalibrated. This ensures our growth remains agile and dynamically aligned with our aggressive targets. Please consult the updated (and mandatory) corporate ladder structure for details.

3. The “Sustained Focus Initiative” (Combo) Now Offers Exponential Returns

The combo system has been fundamentally restructured to better reward relentless operational pressure.

• It’s Not a Savings Account; It’s a High-Yield Investment: Your “Productivity Multiplier” (e.g., 16x) will no longer just be a pretty number. It will now be applied directly to all Chorumium accumulated during the initiative. Yes, sustained, high-pressure work now yields the exponential returns it always should have.
• Mandatory Morale-Boosting Summary: Upon completion of a combo, you will be presented with a glorious summary of your total earnings. We believe this visual reinforcement of profit is the only morale boost a true manager needs.

These enhancements are effective immediately. We trust you will leverage them to extract unprecedented amounts of Chorumium.

Now get back to work.

Sincerely (not really), The Board